Log in

No account? Create an account
Life's always been an uphill fight [entries|friends|calendar]
Okey dey

[ website | Pass out for me, Dear ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

i love chocolate balls...... [13 Apr 2006|09:48pm]
So I'm at work eating these chocolate balls like crazy when one plops out of my mouth, it rolls across the table leaving a brown salivary streak in it's wake.

out loud, out of nowhere, I say "MR HANKY!"

and laugh maniacally for a few minutes.

For Old Time's Sake [09 Apr 2006|09:51pm]
Adam [9:44 PM]: pornstars do get paid so so, but as a guy you pretty much have the most money in gay porn.
Adam [9:44 PM]: ... as the catcher
Omega Nihil [9:44 PM]: And I'm over here wondering how you're financing college.

What's grosser than gross? [07 Apr 2006|08:30pm]
I was stretching, my arms were up in the air and I was about to put my arms together when my left pinky nail scratched my right hand. There was a small white patch on my right hand where normally tan flesh would be, I went to go check if it was just the white "ash" of scratching when it started slightly bleeding. I look over at my left pinky nail and see the piece of skin still sticking underneath it. Peeled clean.

Kind of neat, I would say. I just felt the incredible urge to share and to mention that my nails are incredibly dangerous.


The Days are Pure Depression [06 Apr 2006|08:01pm]
We got rid of the cat the other day, finally. It wasn't really a super awesome fun cat, plus the fact that he could have caused an eviction for us combined to make: SUPER-NOT-WANTED CAT!!!! So there goes the birthday present. Yeah...umm....yeah.

I've been reading George Carlin's book When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?. Quite a funny read, strongly anti-christian, too. Huge plus. I think I'm starting to realize I share a lot of conservative values...which is weird because I thought I was a crazy liberal. I think I can settle for conservative with radical tendencies? I don't know, I'm not too up with politics though being a have-not and what-not. I just want some f(ah)king money!

Speaking of: Been doing masterful amounts of business research, but not really. I'd really like to start a business, but I don't know what the hell to do. I have limited skills in everything, it's like a "Jack of NO trades and master of none" so what could I do? I'm too impatient to do anything, and attentive deficit like a mofo to learn something anyway. I want to do something fun, but I don't want it to be useless and an unnoticed shack business with a small clique clientele. BORING! PLUS: Broke as hell, so I've been looking up information on business loans but they all seem like dead end streets to me. How can I make money by borrowing money? Do I really expect to make large enough profits to float above the interest? Sad. So many scary questions hold me back, along with the tragic laziness.

So I've been thinking about going to school to learn web design, theoretically it seems like it would be perfect for me. I could go anywhere I want with wireless internet, do some playing on the laptop tweaking sites here and there then I could go home and get paid. AWESOME! Reality Check: Who needs web-designers? It seems like they're a dime a dozen, you get these kids who got their start making lame geocities sites when they were 14 eleven years ago, so they're hot shit now and then there are those who went to college for that shit, and what do I want to do? Take some short class and be like "Hi guys! I'm a freelance webdesigner with 6 months worth of education! I rule!" sigh. Maybe I'm wrong...but it probably doesn't matter....tragic flaw of mine, I won't say it again!

[05 Apr 2006|10:21pm]
in case anyone might have missed out on such dorkery,

today is 04-05-06

why yes, people. 4 5 6.

hot damn. a once in a lifetime occurence, unless you're over 100 years old.

Now, I'm avidly awaiting November 11th, 2011. Wink wink, oh yeah.
7 sleeping in the kitchen!| gulp...gulp...

freehand or whatever. [22 Mar 2006|08:36pm]
its torture bowing down to every want and demand
always thinking to myself one day i will not have to put up with this
but who am i kidding where is my confidence

where are my happy endings?

bridges are burning and I didn't even start these fires but th at is how the story goes always incomplete and unsatisfied alwaysthinking i could have done this or that better but meanwhile stagnating in my own shit and self pity doing absolutely nothing but the bare minimum like those before me. There are always railings in life, that keep us safe and keep us going where we need to go next but only if you venture further do you find the interesting places barely travelled. I know it's scary without the railings and that is why I haven't gone past them yet, why I have yet to do anything on my own that people would say "That is crazy, that is risky" but lucrative, right? I want to have my satisfied story, I want to be the interest in every conversation the person looked at in a room not the one ignored and pretended to not even exist, my mannerisms betray me. She says I look like I have money, and I always think of myself as the peasant nobility, the poorman with social grace. Social grace comes easy when no one pays you any mind. I can pick my nose in public for all anyone cares, but who am I kidding? I just want a girl to stare back at me when I'm staring at her like a deprived loser. Even if I do have my finger in my nose, maybe she'll think it's funny or maybe I'll get lucky and the trigger'll go off. Now that's a memory.

I don't want to suffer imagined pain anymore, I want to feel complete and satisfied with what I have for once. I don't want to feel like I am doing everything wrong all the time, I want to think of myself as someone who is living a life worth living and not just another piece in a dusty puzzle. I want to turn heads and be the talk of the town, I want to be the most vain asshole that was ever polite to you. I want to be the standard for which everything else compares, I want to start a revolution that everyone wants to be a part of. I want this and I want that but most of all I want to feel like I can sit down to relax without thinking of so many other pointlessly important things I need to be doing at that exact moment.

I think I wish the days were a few hours longer, and that I could split myself into multiple equally cognitive beings. I want an assistant. I want to be rich and famous, I want to be hyper intelligent and always profitable but yet always charitable. I want to please the world by pleasing myself first.
1 sleeping in the kitchen!| gulp...gulp...

Loser [14 Mar 2006|11:16pm]
I'm currently supremely interested in my credit rating and improving it. It's becoming a sick new fetish or something. I fantasize about taking out loans and paying them off in full, having a credit card and keeping them low plus fully paid off each month. The erotic pleasures I get from thinking about a high credit score, my nose is bleeding profusely.

In other news of interest, I'm also doing phat amounts of research on kosher foods and the process of cleansing that goes with it. I think the hassidics are onto something here, I could be wrong but 3000+ years of dietary strictness does not seem like a bad idea to me. I'm not into all the spiritual mysticism that goes into it, and I'm not too worried about my dairy items touching my meat items (something about not bathing the young goat's meat in the milk of its mother, oh tragedy!) but there's also a reason why that stuff is mad expensive, but if I did it myself? I'd be healthier than...umm....healthy, unless I poisoned myself or something.

I was in such a good mood earlier today, but I think it kind of tapered off. I want to change so much of my lifestyle, I want to focus on improving myself, I hope this is the change I need. I still have some work to do though, so I guess this is it.

By the way, Dihydroxyacetone is used in sunless tanning products and we ship that where I work. AWESOME!

Or something.

2 sleeping in the kitchen!| gulp...gulp...

[21 Feb 2006|08:44pm]
I have a new cat, a persian named Barney. We did not name the cat but I don't have a problem with the name anyway. It was a free kitty for my birthday, he was so badly matted he had dreadlocks and a rock hard clump of cat fur stuck on his back and tail (a symbolic representation of my birthday, perhaps?). I had to pay 55 dollars to take him to a pet grooming place to have his hair removed, they bathed him around 4 times I think they said and then shaved him which included using a surgical knife on his back. He came out okay, he's very cartoonish looking now. Extremely skinny, long thin tail, bushy head hands and feet. Kind of like a french poodle. He's not as much fun as Hatred used to be but he might come around. He sleeps on my bed all day and runs away "when the man comes around" (Ian).

My car is pimped out now. It's funny how I could give a shit how my car looks, but oh now I have tinted back windows for Ian. The sun kept getting in his eyes so we bought some cheap tinting stuff at Wal-mart. Now he rides around in his babyseat throne and windows, while people cater to his toy playing needs the whole car trip. My mom would have been like "tough shit kid, deal with it!" :p But I still came out like a wuss, maybe irony will play a neat role in the universe again and make him tough as nails instead of a pansy.

[02 Feb 2006|09:27pm]
I went to sleep around 1:30am and woke up at 2:15pm. I think I gotz the issues. It kind of bothers me, I'd like to be able to do more with my day then sleep it all away, but I'm just soooo tired.

Just work work work.

Really. That's about it.

Oh well. Maybe more, later.

[31 Jan 2006|08:44pm]
I re-dyed my hair today, trying to go back to my natural color. I had some highlights in it that faded to frighteningly real looking grey (unless, of course, I am going grey) so I decided to try to go back to the original flava. Unsuccessfully. I now have bad black hair, at work. No one said anything about it though, so I guess I don't look like a Count or anything. I'm almost disappointed but it works for me.

I went out to eat with the parents last night, riding in their vehicle with them. If I forgot why I swore never to ride with them again they conveniently reminded me. It's nice to be able to eat quickly and leave by myself so as not to have to be embarrassed as mom tries to pretend she has control over the brat.

I'm hungry though, so I'll probably cut this rant short. I might leave work early too, it's been really slow lately. Which is not a complaint in the least, it gives me a lot of time to harass people in LJLand. You can only harass LJers so long though before you have to find something to do of real substance.
5 sleeping in the kitchen!| gulp...gulp...

[28 Jan 2006|10:55pm]
Today is Jason's birthday, so I hung out with him for the day. Spent an enviable amount of money on him, so the perks of being my friend are high people. So...be my friend...please? please? I'll be your best friend, yeah, and I have lots of candy and I can do tricks too.

We ate at some madly expensive chinese restaurant that came to 30 bucks for two people, two meals, two drinks, but it was pretty good so I'm not really complaining, it's just my wallet crying, not me. har. and then we went to the mall and picked him up some "hire-me" clothes so he can get a job. The task of babysitting serenity while he picked out some clothes was bestowed upon me, she wasn't unruly, I basically followed her around while she swiped some items that I would faithfully return like a fine upstanding citizen.

After that we went to his house and I put some mp3s on his computer that I had saved on a disc. The gift of music too, i'm so great. so, be my friend. Because I'm cool and I also have lots of cool music because I'm cool and I'd make a cool friend and a good one too. pleeeeeeeeeeeasshehehehease.....

*ties a rope to a tree limb and jumps off*

In other news, I'm still at his house finishing off the CDs then I'll go home and...I don't know, take a dump and go to bed. Which is weird, because most people don't have to take dumps and all.

and fuck all of you, I don't care if any of you want to be my friend. *gives a middle finger to all and then points it to the sky* I'll just drink and drink and then ohhhhh gooooooood *falls over*

Okay, I'm done role playing. Goodnight.
6 sleeping in the kitchen!| gulp...gulp...

[25 Jan 2006|10:34pm]
A strange dream I had,

Cut, for strangeness and disgust-ocity!Collapse )

I got semi-lost in orlando, but not really. I stayed on one road for about 15-20 minutes and then got back on I-4. Scenic route, if you will.

Work is a breeze today. Now all that's left is to stop by the ol' mom's house to pick up some food and then go home.

Boredom is everywhere, I want a vaccine or at least something to do.

2 sleeping in the kitchen!| gulp...gulp...

[24 Jan 2006|06:48pm]
Still not playing gameboy...still not sure what to do. I've mainly been trying to find inoffensive websites to look at before I clock out.

Inoffensive just sounds offensive. Especially when all I want to do is offensive, yeah, the latest line in sexy pick up lines. babe.

I was taking a hot...steamy...sultry shower this morning, when a huge tub of shampoo fell unceremoniously on my toe. I've noticed that cuts on your feet bleed like nobody's business when you're in the shower. Water does not help with the scabbing process, at all. When it fell on me, I wanted to have something to focus my pained beast rage on but I was too busy lathering up my hair. Sucks. So I bled all over the shower and then passed out only to wake up at work with clean smelling hair and bandages on my toe. Some clothes too, I was mystified.

Well, enough of that. I've got a schedule to keep.
2 sleeping in the kitchen!| gulp...gulp...

[19 Jan 2006|09:09pm]
I have not been sleeping very well lately, but last night at work I was extremely tired. I went home after work and slept really well. I had a weird dream, and then woke up disappointed to be out of the dream again. It wasn't really a great dream, or a bad one. Just something that -might happen and then when I realized I had woken up out of the dream a sense of being lied to came over me.

Work is slowing down, less business after the holidays. I am having a lot of 'work-freetime' to do whatever I please, I am thinking about bringing my gameboy to work for lack of anything better to do. I'd hate to be caught doing stretches or exercising like some freak so, gameboy is childish looking but it passes the time and doesn't make me look like some health or murderous freak. I confess to liking the threat that I might be a murderous freak but a paycheck is a paycheck so I should keep the idea on the downlow.

I'm thinking about going to college, but not doing the full time enrollment thing. I'd like to take one or two classes about things I want to actually learn about without aiming for a specific degree. That can come later I guess, or I'd get to it when I got to it. This idea is the reason I can't sleep most of the time, lying awake in the middle of the night wondering what classes I would take or what I am going to do with my life. So many contradicting ideas on what I want to do with myself, complete polar opposites too. Sometimes I want to just walk away, buy a bike and a big stick and go riding around the knayshin. My big stick and I cruising with phat gold rims on my bicycle...and rainbow ribbons, too.

Maybe I'll be mistaken for a dead prostitute in a ditch, that'd be smooth and only slightly embarrassing. IT'S not that big of a deal to have your legacy blurred by the fact that the police thought I was murdered for taking a good anal reaming for a few bucks as a living. But really, who doesn't every now and then?

On a drastically different note, I wish I made more money. A big reason I want to go to college, but that seems so smothering to be the only reason to want to go back to school. It really is too bad the main reason people even bother with college is for money and not a sense of "higher learning". I'd like to be able to do this "Living" thing on my own terms one day.

Maybe I will, once I get the balls and umph, of course.
1 sleeping in the kitchen!| gulp...gulp...

[17 Jan 2006|10:40pm]
I finished updating all my entries on SadnessX to memories. It took forever, and I got to finish it all up while on the clock (Totally go me) but it wasn't really all that fulfilling. Now I can find some other mindless project to take up my idle time on the clock.

Nothing really funny happens anymore, so very obviously I don't have much stuff to say that'll make you spray strawberry milk out of your runny nose in mirthful laughter. Like a bad early 90's sitcom scene.

"awww, you smashed my car through the garage? At least you were honest and fessed up to the hundreds of dollars worth of damage, like a good honest person should!"

Anyway, I decided to make HSN a cool scene kid LJ journal where I'll have 100+ friends and lots of people posting comments like "you're cool! join my lj "cowridinghomojunkies" today!" But not really.

Instead it's going to have tidbits of my trivially mindless day to day events, and if you read back far enough it'll have lots of vomit and crap jokes. If you're interested and all, I still poop on sleeping dogs for shits and giggles, and a ball licking good time. because that's what dawgz do.

PS: I'm still a Sith Lord. But not for much longer, you see, I reached lvl 50 and no longer have to use the darkside to meet my needs. So now I'm going to convert over to the light side of the force where I can get a totally phat +3 to my constitution if I reach full light side mastery as a Jedi Watchman. Scouting out places of trouble in the galaxy and using my abilities as a Jedi to set things right.
2 sleeping in the kitchen!| gulp...gulp...

[12 Jan 2006|09:22pm]

the current time is. Nine Twenty Three P M, United States Eastern Standard Time. The current weather is dry and pretty dark.

I am currently contemplating various ways of pointing out the ignorance in today's society.

Current Count is at: Five_Hundred Twenty_Three_million six 000 twenty 4.

I hate words like: Scene. Category, Evil. Beneficial to the tribe, Noni Juice. Miracle Drugs. Diet. Work.

I am in the midst of accomplishing absolutely nothing.

I dreamed of a truck crash yesterday (you know, last night? I was asleep,). I was driving my car, and a pick up truck (an ignorant Redneck "Redneck, is a scene too" probably) went to pass me and a huge semi totally fucked up his day with a head on collision. The weird thing is in my dream I felt a piece of the wreckage scratch across my right hand, but it wasn't a "OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOST MY HAND TO CRASH WRECKAGE" It was more of a brushing across my hand and I was like "Gee willickers that sucks" and I just drove on, my car was totally cool and touch-free.

Of course, later on I dreamed I was fishing in my bedroom because I had pooled water in their obviously, bobber and all. I kept getting bites and snagging the hook but I didn't try to pull it out. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHaaa

Yesterday I was holding a can of drink, fruit punch, minute maid or tropicana or something and I totally gashed my son's finger on it. He was all smiles and going for the drink and then he grabbed the opening and had this look of shock on his face, then he started crying. He got blood a bit of blood on my thumb from just split seconds of cutting his finger. I am really upset about the whole thing really. I keep thinking about his face, the look of mirth going quickly to one of shock and hurt. It was my fault, and the reality is he'll learn one day what pain is and a bit of it will be from ignorance and lack of responsibility on my part.

With that aside, I think of his face crying a lot. It really messes up my day no matter how I feel or what I'm doing. The same can be said about him laughing and smiling though. it all depends on which side I want the coin to land I guess.

I make a lot of jokes, funny ones, I guess. Sick too. Maybe I'll start writing them down, a lot of them are situational jokes though.,...not something that would be funny once written down I would think.

I'm a Sith Lord.

Yes, the one your mother warned you about.

I've been using the force to persuade you to read my journal. Your will is weak, and now it is mine.

You will now proceed to back out or exit this webpage without leaving a comment.
1 sleeping in the kitchen!| gulp...gulp...

[10 Aug 2005|09:46pm]
List ten songs that you are really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs. Then tag five other random people to see what they're listening to:

1. Brand New - Sic Transit Gloria
2. Das Ich - Destillat (Vnv Nation Remix)
3. Coal Chamber - Beckoned
4. Nirvana - All Apologies
5. Venga Boys - Boom Boom Boom
6. Gravity Kills - Enough
7. Nine Inch Nails - Ripe (With Decay)
8. David Bowie - Heroes
9. David Bowie - Space Oddity
10. Type O Negative - Don't Wanna Be Me

There are only five people on my friend of list, so I guess you five. 'cept Adam, no one cares what he listens to.
1 sleeping in the kitchen!| gulp...gulp...

Suck on this! [05 Jun 2004|05:49am]
So I'm driving down Adams Barn Rd (and no, it has nothing to do with Adam, nobody loves him enough to name a road after his barn) thinking about The Smashing Pumpkins and how much I want to listen to "The Aeroplane Flies High (Turns left, looks right)" go listen to it NOW when, unceremoniously and sudden, a rabbit runs underneath the wheels of my car. The squishing sound was loud and quite profound with the windows open. After a long moment of hard laughing and mourning the death of an innocent life, I was silent in contemplation of the events that took place: Running over a rabbit is no small task. When suddenly, it came to my realization that I should start a band known as the Smashing Rabbits.

With such Smash singles as "Zero" and "Bullet without the Saturn(tm) Spoiler", they will astound you with such deep lyrics as "The world is a vehicle, sent to dra-he-ai-he-ain" and "Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness and cleanliness is godliness, and rabbits aren't clean, just like me!"


In other news, I think it's pretty retarded that my household has never owned a dishwasher before because "they do not properly clean the dishes and they also leave grey streaks" meanwhile our "hand-washed" dishes are probably much worse and usually there are soap suds left in the cups or bowl after cleaning takes place for added nutrition and food poisoning. Unless, of course, *I* do the dishes. Which means I'm going to take forever doing them to make sure they're clean and waste a lot of water in the process.

Stuff to talk about with Adam [03 Feb 2004|02:44pm]
Omega Nihil: so I ate cow brains, took a shower, and threw it all up, you should have been there.

a t o m d a r i: cool

Omega Nihil: I was feeling right as sunshine, then my stomach's like "Dude, I don't feel good" and then I'm like "Dude, I don't feel good" so I sat down in the shower, I noted the water running down my hair and face, and then weeeee, flooded that mother fucker
Omega Nihil: Because you needed details

Omega Nihil: It was beef stew actually, the microwave kind, and I had downed it with some yoohoo, it was odd, I puked like 3 times, and the 4th time it came up cold and sweet.

Omega Nihil: it still sucked though

a t o m d a r i: awesome

Omega Nihil: My adventures in vomit land

[31 Jan 2004|12:42am]
Belk's Clinique black "quickliner" = $16

Hot Topic's Morbid black eyeliner = $2

Realizing you've just been ass raped by Belk for black eyeliner = Priceless

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else, you can be sure Jonathon will pay the most for it

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]